Travelling in South India, or, How I Developed My Quads & Hamstrings Through the Use of Squat Toilets on the Subcontinent

So, stopped to take a leak by the side of the road the other day - as all good Indians do - in the middle of a national park, with the threat of attack from tigers, spotted deer, and several species of monkey, and thunder rolling with grey clouds overhead. At least it's cleaner than most Indian public toilets and you don't need to wear gumboots.

How far can you walk once the rumblings of an Indian post-lunch experience come on? About a kilometre, it would seem, but with ever increasing speed and ever tighter clenching. The sweat drips from you, from the heat of a Thekkady afternoon and the anxiety of the situation, while each vacant block and alleyway becomes more and more inviting as you look around for ways to solve your problem. A mantra rolls over and over in your head - I will maintain my dignity. I will walk briskly to the hotel.

As you race down the street, another couple from the tour passes - smile weakly, eyes ahead. I will maintain my dignity. I will find the toilet at reception because my room is another 50 metres further away. The entry walls to the Muthoot Cardamom County Resort welcome you, but can you make reception or the pool loos? Why are all those people staring? I will maintain my dignity. I will maintain my dignity. You shut the door; you lift the seat.

Dignity maintained.

I find out later that the other couple had speculated that Damian and I had had an argument, because we were returning to the hotel separately, about 100 metres apart, one more desperate than the other to make it back to the resort.

When traveling in places such as this, never EVER leave the bus without wet-wipes or tissues, or at the very VERY least, a left-over serviette from breakfast. Because what you're left with is a hole in the ground and a bucket of questionable water, and if you're very lucky, a small plastic jug. Ensure that if you don't have your little bottle of hand sanitiser with you, that it is in the bus and that you don't shake friends' hands until you have accessed said bottle of sanitiser. Ah, Ooty.

Enough said!

The squatting, of course, has been very helpful in developing the muscles for temple step climbing.